and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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