I was born with a shot glass in my hand
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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