I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Pants are for mortals
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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