my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
