sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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