I think i peed on brittanys purse
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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