I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
