remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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