Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
