You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
