you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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