She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
