Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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