I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
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