I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
