No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
