I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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