this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
