I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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