I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
