I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
