Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Randomize
