I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize