uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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