Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
