Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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