god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
