We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
