New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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