I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
