I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
