Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
