Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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