She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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