Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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