I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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