hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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