im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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