Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
