I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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