i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
