Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
