pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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