Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
