Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
