Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
