so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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