WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
