She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
