my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
