ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
