My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
