Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
