I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
