Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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