but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
