My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize