so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
