love makes seman taste better
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
