this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
