i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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