Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
