How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize