I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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