Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
