When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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