my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
As shirtless as possible
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Your penis caused this!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
