The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
