I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
