I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize