Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
